9 Comments
User's avatar
Laura Teodorescu's avatar

What a gut-wrenching story. Absolutely horrible.

Ausiàs Tsel's avatar

Horrible was the target, so thank you. It’s the kindest thing you could have called it.

Iridescent Ink - Jenni Wicks's avatar

Your technique with pacing and sentence structure was perfect to portray the emotion (or rather lack thereof). The story hit me in the gut.

Ausiàs Tsel's avatar

The lack thereof was the point. A man in that hour can't feel anything yet, so the sentences weren't allowed to either. Thank you, Jenni.

Siobhan Gallagher's avatar

Oof, that last line really tells you all you need. Well done.

Ausiàs Tsel's avatar

It's the only safety feature in the whole thing, and it protects no one. Thank you, Siobhan.

Ariadne Pautina's avatar

Heartbreaking; in both the detail and what's left unsaid.

The use of shorter sentences, of small observations, of broken fragments really emphasises the impact of the event. It really cuts deep.

Thank you for sharing this 🖤

Ausiàs Tsel's avatar

The unsaid was the only part I trusted. Anything I stated outright went soft, so I cut it. The emptiness in those eyes was already the story. Thank you for the prompt.

Ariadne Pautina's avatar

🖤